The Daily Prophet, Blind Date
by Padfoot Prongs and Moony
Summary: After the success of the DP's last campaign to match up Lonely Hearts of the wizarding world, we have decided to take a more direct approach to spread love; welcome to the Daily Prophet, Blind Date …
1. Chapter One

**Wow. Could it finally have happened? Padfoot, Prongs and Moony have actually updated something? They _didn't_ fall off the edge of the world?  
Shock.  
They'd still appreciate reviews though. Even if they are from bitter, twisted, lonely people who hate them for not updating.  
Padfoot, Prongs and Moony wish they could stop talking in the third person, but Padfoot is writing this and has just been watching _Bridget Jones Diary_.  
Padfoot may be like this for a while.Padfoot is going to go andlie down for a while.  
But the authors hope you enjoy their new story.**

**The Daily Prophet: Blind Date**

**Chapter One:**

Dear Reader,

We enjoyed phenomenal success with our last campaign to spread love throughout the wizarding world (as well as a few muggles) through our "Daily Prophet, Lonely Hearts" section.

Unfortunately, due to the 'unusual' nature of some of the ads, we did not receive many replies. Therefore, we will be taking a more direct approach to matching up people in a new section of the paper, to be called: 'The Daily Prophet, Blind Date'. We will invite one applicant to the Daily Prophet offices where will have concealed a further three 'Lonely Hearts' behind a screen.

The applicant will have the chance to ask a few questions to the applicants, hereafter named 1, 2 and 3, although they will not be able to see them. This is all to promote a more 'personality-based' approach to dating – and the fact that some of these applicants are hideous –hee hee!- What are you doing? … Don't put that in! … What do you mean it's already in! … You can't take it out? …

Umm … anyway, by courtesy of 'The Daily Prophet' the applicant and their chosen partner will then be sent on an exotic date – which will also be documented in this newspaper.

Without further ado, I'd like to welcome our first three male 'lonely Hearts' vying for the attentions of our lovely lady: Here they are now! Ladies, Gentlemen, readers, the first three guests …

The Editor  
(National Man of Mystery)


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two:**

_Without further ado, I'd like to welcome our first three male 'lonely Hearts' vying for the attentions of our lovely lady: Here they are now! Ladies, Gentlemen, readers, the first three guests …_

JAMES POTTER!

SIRIUS BLACK

AND …

SEVERUS SNAPE!

**Editor**: Welcome lads, take a seat! Now, firstly we need a little information from each of you:

Sirius Black, Number Two: Age, job and something interesting about yourself?

**Sirius** **Black**: Well, I'm 18, a magical student, and once, I threw myself off the North Tower, cause James and me wanted to know the shortest route into the grounds.

**Editor**: Didn't that hurt?

**Sirius** **Black**: Bit.

**Editor**: Right … anyway, James Potter, Number One, Age, job and something interesting about yourself?

**James** **Potter**: I'm 18 as well; also a magical student and I threw myself off the North Tower after Sirius because when he jumped we forgot to set the stopwatch.

**Editor**: ok … well …welcome to the show … Severus Snape, Number Three, Age, job, something interesting about yourself?

_- Sirius and James are currently discussing whether or not they set the stopwatch when James jumped –'perhaps we should just throw Peter?' and are ignoring the third contestant -_

**Severus** **Snape**: I'm 17, a magical student, and I haven't washed my hair in four years.

_-Severus Snape accompanies this statement with an oddly proud look-_

**Editor**: _-staring speechlessly at Severus-_, Well … I had an inkling it'd be something like that … Ladies and Gentlemen there are our 'lovely' gentlemen vying for the attentions of our beautiful lady, I think it's about time we met her! Please welcome, Lily Evans!

_- Editor moves to other side of stage and a screen slides across so that Lily Evans cannot see her three suitors – just as well –_

Good morning Lily, take a seat, now you know you have the chance to ask the three men a few questions before you decide where you go on your exotic date, without further ado, what's your first question!

**Lily** **Evans**: Ok, Hi guys! My first question goes to Number One, 'If you could take me anywhere in the world, where would we go and why?'

**James** **Potter**: I'd take you out on my broomstick to a hill above Chudley where we can watch the sun set over the beautiful village.

**Lily** **Evans**: that's so romantic!

**Audience**: aaaaahhhhhhh ….

**James** **Potter**: Yeah, cause from that hill we can watch the Chudley Cannons play for free – and I'd have something to do in the interval. Hint-hint.

_-Lily sits in a stunned silence, looking as though something seems familiar behind the screen … -_

**Editor**: Uuuhhh … lets move on … Lily?

**Lily** **Evans**: Yes, of course! Same question to Number Two please!

**Sirius** **Black**: Well … I suppose I'd take you on a romantic picnic, so we could get to know each other and talk … -Number One gives Number Two evil glare- uuhhh, of course I'll bring along other people so we won't be alone … not that I'd want to be alone with you anyway.. Not that I don't think you're a beautiful girl of course … -Number One gets up menacingly- … you're just not my type.. I don't like pretty girls … In fact I'm gay!

_-Gasps from audience as several female members faint. Male members, including Gilderoy Lockhart sit up a little straighter-_

_-Sirius, looking rather panicked gives a sneaky wink to a girl in the front row, and shakes his head vigorously-_

**Editor**: Moving on … again (I told the wife this would happen!)

**Lily** **Evans**: Yeah … course … same question to Number three?

**Severus** **Snape**: Well, I'd take you-

**James** **Potter**: -suddenly noticing contestant number three- what the hell are you doing here you slime ball! There's NO WAY you have a chance with EVANS!

**Lily** **Evans**: -Jumping up quickly- HA! I knew it was you, James Potter, you arrogant bullying little-

**James** **Potter**: -realising he may have blown his only chance of a date with Lily- James Potter? Who's he?

**Lily Evans**: I know its you! Stop pretending! I'm surprised I can't see your giant inflated ego over the screen!

_-Editor attempts to restrain Lily Evans from attacking Number One whilst Number Two tries to prevent contestants One and Three from killing each other – although Number Two does get a pretty impressive kick in to Number Three's netheregions –_

**Editor**: _-Whispering frantically to assistant-_ Wrap it up! Wrap it up!

Well! I think we've reached the end of our first show! Miss Evans would you like to make your choice from one, two or three?

_-Editor glances over divide-_

Make that one or two, it appears three has been turned into a yak and we don't condone that sort of thing at the Daily Prophet!

**Lily Evans**: If I have to choose then I suppose it'll be Number Two, I'd rather go out with a bubotuber plant than number One!

**Editor**: Congratulations Number Two! Come on out!

_-Sirius Black looks slightly pleased then notices the murderous glance of James Potter. Looking extremely panicked and seeing no other option (apart from a trip to St Mungo's courtesy of James) Sirius leaps into Gilderoy Lockharts arms screaming, "I'm gay" and planting a huge smacker on his lips. Gilderoy – looking extremely pleased with himself- carries Sirius out of the stage door where he is heard throwing up throughout the night-_

**Editor**: Uuuhhh … well … it appears you only have one option left! Congratulations Number One!

_-James, looking extremely dishevelled comes out from behind the blind, tugging a lock of his hair nervously, attempting to smile at a murderous-looking Lily-_

**Editor**: Due to an unbreakable contract they signed before the show Lily and James will now be going on an exotic date to … duh duh duh … BOGNOR REGIS!

_Lily and James walk out of the studio. James looking as though he can't believe his luck. As they exit, the Editor is left alone standing in the ruins of his new set. The only sounds are the noises of the yak and someone simultaneously throwing up and attempting to ward off unwanted attentions of a gentleman by declaring:_

"I like women!"

"So did I once!" Is the persistent answer

**Editor**: -_Attempting to smile at the audience-_ please return next week to find out how the date went!

_-Audience stare at the stage in complete shock, whilst several teenage girls nervously question each other:_

"Is he really gay?"

The sound "No … No! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!" from the alleyway appears to answer their question.

* * *

**Return next week to find out what happened on the date!**


End file.
